If you are asking yourself the question whether your partner is cheating on you or not, it means you are not totally sure, and so gaining proof is something a private detective can help with. Private investigators can help deliver the evidence of cheating you need if that is ultimately what you want to find out.
With that said, however, it is very important not to jump to conclusions and make accusations without first having the cast iron facts!
The last thing you want to do is to accuse your boyfriend or girlfriend of cheating on you without solid evidence, because if you get it wrong, you may end up causing unnecessary irreparable damage, and that is something we want you to avoid at all costs.
It is best to start by taking notes of any potential signs of cheating you think you are seeing over time and then decide on what you feel your next steps should be. Our recommendation would be to sit and discuss your thoughts with somebody who is impartial, not necessarily that close with you, but is someone you can trust. This may be difficult to do, but the value is that you are likely to get more of an objective opinion than you would from someone who is emotionally close to you. Have a think about who that trustworthy person might be.
People change behaviour all the time, and this certainly does not mean there is infidelity going on. But experience has shown us that when partners begin to exhibit multiple different types of behaviours in short succession, then this could be an indicator that something is not quite right, and you may want to investigate further.
Let’s look at some of those behavioural changes now…
1. Your Partner Is Regularly Starting to Leave the House Much Earlier and Get Home Later
Let’s face it, the demands of the modern-day workplace often mean a person has to work longer hours to get through their workload. It’s easy for to-do lists to spiral out of control and leave someone with no other option but to get up earlier and work later to get everything completed.
Does this mean your partner is having an affair? No, it certainly doesn’t.
So our advice is simply to show concern for the hours your partner is putting in and just enquire about his or her work and find out what’s been happening at the office lately. The way in which your partner responds is important here because showing concern normally provides a way for them to open up to you. It’s common for partners to want to shield their significant others from the pressure they are under at work, so being given an outlet to explain what is happening is something they often appreciate.
On the flip side, if you only ever receive a very snappy and defensive response whenever you ask, then this could be an indicator that something else (not necessarily being unfaithful) is at play.
2. Your Partner Starts to Become Oddly Evasive or Guarded
Just because someone doesn’t answer your questions directly or is showing signs of being more defensive than usual, it is not proof that they are jumping into bed with your best friend.
Simple rises in the level of everyday stress can cause a person to act in this way.
Because they have other things on their mind which they don’t want to have to deal with, the seeming “probing” from loved ones can be something that becomes an irritation because it brings your partner closer to the cause of their stress when they would rather not have to think about it. The result is they deflect away from it which is then interpreted as being defensive or evasive.
What is key here is to put context to your partner’s response.
If, for example, things in their life are going very well and there is no seeming logical explanation for this behaviour, then something else could be going on.
So be patient, talk about things and then see how you feel afterwards. If there is nothing that seems to make sense about what you are being told, then it may be worth taking note of this behavioural change.
3. Your Partner Regularly Smells of a Different Aftershave or Perfume They Do Not Own
Now, this again is not definite proof of extracurricular activities, but it is something that you should investigate asap and get to the bottom of if you are worried because it is generally a stronger signal.
However, remember that scents are strong and can be transferred by simply hanging a coat on top of or next to the coat of another – an innocent action that can cause major problems.
The best thing to do if this happening regularly is to ask your partner out straight as to why you can smell the scent of another person on them so strongly. Do not accuse but instead ask the question and assess the response.
Again, if nothing is going on, then you would not expect an over the top defensive reaction, but if you do get one, it might be a sign that you need to sit down and talk more deeply.
4. Your Partner Has Unexplained Gift Purchases on Their Credit Card Bills
One thing you will definitely want to make sure of before approaching this is that your partner hasn’t potentially bought you a surprise gift. You certainly don’t want to be accusing someone of being unfaithful, only to find out it’s a birthday treat for your special day in 3 weeks’ time!
What you need to look at is the date of when the gifts were bought and whether or not you have actually seen them. If you discover there are items on your partner’s credit card bill that you have not physically laid eyes on, then it would be a fair question to ask.
Remember, there can be many potential explanations for this happening;
- A gift for you
- A surprise gift for a parent
- A present for somebody at your partner’s place of work bought as a thank you for great service
These are just some examples.
So, before you jump to any premature conclusions, take time to think about what could be happening and then make a decision on your next course of action. The odd purchase here and there is probably nothing to worry about, but regular purchases that you never see could warrant additional investigation.
5. Your Partner Seems to be Secretly Messaging Somebody or Receiving Strange Texts
The key to successful relationships is trust and so looking at your partner’s phone to see what messages they have been sending is not going to help foster a positive environment.
If, on the other hand, your partner’s phone beeps and you see a strange or coded message on the screen, then that is a different scenario. You’ve not gone looking but you have seen something a little odd.
As a one-off, there is more than likely not going to be a cause for alarm. Friends often have secret codes or language they use between them that only they understand – in fact, partners often have this too. So, keep calm and don’t jump to any conclusions.
When odd messages start to regularly coincide with your partner texting or messaging secretively, however, or they start messaging in an excessive way when they don’t normally do this, then you might want to casually ask what’s going on. Based on their response and how often you are asking them, you can begin to make a call as to whether you feel something may be amiss.
What to do next
If you have read through the above list and found that your partner is only exhibiting a couple of these signs, then you probably have nothing to worry about. Conversely, if they are matching all 5 or are showing some of them mixed in with other regular differences in behaviour such as;
- Taking unusual business trips away
- Regularly being given presents by somebody
- Being very offish and unattracted to you
- Reacting nervously or becoming very annoyed if you give them a surprise visit
Then it could be time to ask for advice and feedback from the impartial friend to see whether they feel your partner is cheating on you based on what you’ve told them.
If you both feel that something may be up, and you want to get cast iron proof, then we recommend you give the Global Investigations team a call and we can help you guide you in terms of what to do next.
Please call us on 0208 287 7770.